If love won’t keep us together.

For all you married/long-term relationship ladies: How do you stay together?

Pardon me for getting serious, but I couldn’t sleep last night, and I was just wondering about this and other things. I can’t really go into what made me wonder this, but how do you know that it’s going to last? Or do you not know, and you’re really just making a semi-educated guess?

It seems like to me that you would both have to always try. You can fight, you can bicker, you can go a while without sex, but you have to both be trying.

It seems like in movies and TV, couples are often portrayed as having a big huge fight and then breaking up. I’m not sure it’s that simple. Maybe sometimes one person stops trying, and the other person gives up on trying to make them care, because in the words of Bonnie Raitt, I can’t make you love me. Or rather, I can’t make you show that love. I can’t discern if it’s still there or went away one day without me even noticing.

I think there has to be a point where you can’t repair it, where you’ve set too far down this other path and can’t go back.

Yes, I took my medication late today. Why do you ask?

Because I will always take an excuse to quote Tegan and Sara at length, here ya go. I’ve loved this song for a while anyway.

Where do you go, with your broken heart in tow?
What do you do, with the leftover you?
How do you know, when to let go?
Where does the good go? Where does the good go?

Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t find me attractive.
Look me in the heart and tell me you won’t go.
Look me in the eye and promise no love’s like our love.

And the line that always breaks my heart:

This love is all I have to give….

Sorry for the downer. I’ll try to be lighter next time. I just…am thinking too much lately.

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5 Comments

Filed under General Crap

5 responses to “If love won’t keep us together.

  1. bebehblog

    I totally agree with the idea that you both having to be trying, but it doesn’t always have to be at the same time. Sometimes I get really frustrated and fed up with E, and I want to kick him in the shins and say “Love honor and cherish, bitch! Not ignore and annoy!” And sometimes I’m the one who spends 90% of her time on the computer or watching reality tv or at the gym and doesn’t put any effort into the marriage. But with one partner always trying to pull the other back in we never drift far enough apart to put our marriage in danger. But the really good times are when we both wake up excited to be married to each other and happy just to share our lives.

    Uh, but I’ve only been married 4 years so I’m not really an expert.

  2. Well, up until my current BF, I was the queen of failed relationships. And in my experience, one person does stop trying. In my case, it was usually the guy, and he usually stopped trying because he was too busy trying out another person.
    But, as I look back at those with a clearer mind, there were signs from jump that it wouldn’t work out (constant fighting, lack of shared core values, mental illness, etc.).
    It sounds lame and corny, but I think you just know when it’s right, and it’s not so hard to try. It’s not easy, and you definitely have to work at it, but it’s something you want and enjoy doing. I’m not sure if that makes any sense.

  3. Thanks Dorothy. That does make sense, but it also makes me sad. There usually are signs, and I like to joke that I am always right about relationships as long as they aren’t my own. Not sure about this particular case, though.

  4. myrtlebeachbum

    We stay together because we are partners. We don’t want to split up our financial partnership, our parenting partnership, or our LIFE partnership because we know we are a force greater than the sum of our two parts. There are certainly romantic moments in our partnership, but marriage really isn’t about passion or romance; it’s about a lifetime of shared experiences. You choose someone you want to share those experiences with and you stick with him or her. Sometimes that takes more work than others, and sometimes (as bebehblog wisely noted) one person does all the heavy lifting for a while.

    I think most people have unrealistic expectations for their marriage, and that’s where a lot of marriages go wrong. They want hot sex, passion, romance, candlelit dinners, etc. when marriage is really about sharing with one other person every single thrilling, mundane, joyful, terrifying, comfortable, worrisome, sad, and wonderful experience that life has to offer. That’s so much better than any FTD floral delivery could ever be. Come on, people! Get with the program.

  5. Pingback: 3,283 Days of a Shared Life « Myrtlebeachbum

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