Remove the “proud” from the sign, please.

Image from Flickr

Image from Flickr

Ahh! My eyes! And my middle finger! It has an itch to extend itself towards the sign….at least the bottom portion. Also, whoever made those signs has obviously never driven through Houston.

I grew up in Texas, which I believe once had the tourism slogan “It’s like a whole other country.” It was either Texas or Mexico that had that slogan, I’m not sure. Another commercial for tourism in the state had Lyle Lovett singing, “No, you’re not from Texas. Texas wants you anyway.”

Which leads me to this: What exactly is Texas? Is it in the South? Is it in the Southwest? Well, I’d be inclined to say both. Wikipedia doesn’t define it as being in the “Deep South,” which I have no issue with whatsoever. When I think of Deep South, I think of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, etc. Not Texas. Although it does say that “occasionally,” parts of East Texas will be included in the Deep South.

In fact, Wikipedia’s definition of “Southern United States” is all over the map (pardon the pun).

As for where I am now, well, I can’t reveal my secret supersecure location, but it’s apparently in the “Upper South” or perhaps “Mid-South.” No one seems to know. Maybe being in the South is like being in a porno: It’s abundantly clear when you arrive just where you are.

So, boys and girls, how do you define the South?

And as for Texas, there are those who say Texans have an arrogance about them. I am one of those people who say that. Yes, Texas is a big ole state that used to be a country and theoretically could divide into five separate states if it really wanted to. And of course, there’s that old legend about how only the Lone Star State’s flag is authorized to fly at the same level as Old Glory.

But “Everything’s bigger in Texas” does not mean everything’s bigger in the pants of Texas males, contrary to what they would have you believe. In fact, based on all the “Texas means big trucks, rawr!” commercials, I suspect the opposite may be true. Either way, whether in Texas or here, I still like to shout “Your penis is shrinking!” as I, in my little car, pass Big Ole Trucks on the highway.

And there is a somewhat refreshing quality to being out of Texas and in a state that doesn’t have such an ego. We make no false pretenses here. You can mess with us all you like. It’s fine, really. Don’t worry about it.



Filed under General Crap

2 responses to “Remove the “proud” from the sign, please.

  1. myrtlebeachbum

    Texas is its own region. If it must be included in a region with other states, it should go directly to “Southwest.” Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

    The South includes Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Florida (sort of), South Carolina, Tennessee, and North Carolina.

    Your redneck cousin has spoken!

  2. spicytamale

    The south i Believe is GA, the Carolinas, Mississippi, Tenn, Louisiana and Alabama.
    Florida is USA’s penis.
    I was born in Texas and 90% of my family lives there but i really dont see them as the south.
    Things in TX are just different. Everything. From the accents to the way they make BBQ Texas should have stayed their own country.

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