All men cheat. Except the ones that don’t.



So this John Edwards brouhaha has brought up some of the age-old cliches and assertions, one of which goes something like this: All men cheat, because they can’t help it, because they are animal men and must mate with as many women as possible to satisfy the burning in their manly loins. Monogamy is unnatural for mens. Rawr.

Bullshit. Bullshit. And bullshit.

I’ve been giving this a lot of thought today. What should we expect from marriage? How does what we expect correlate to what we end up with?

(I’m not referring to open marriages in this post. That’s a whole ‘nother minefield to navigate, and I’m not up to it today).

Here’s some of what I would like to think I’d expect from my husband, roughly (keep in mind I have never been married or even been engaged). Think of other women, if you want. Think of banging them. Make it as dirty as you want, but keep it in your head and in your pants. Realize that you and I may not always set the sheets afire, but our marriage is not based on flaming sheets. It’s based on love and friendship first. And if you can do that, I’ll try to do the same for you.

I wonder if sometimes people, especially young’ns like me, expect too much from sex. I mean, yes, a good time is welcome. But you’re not always going to be having sex eight times a day and have multiple orgasms each go-around. In fact, maybe you’re better off starting a bit lower-maybe one or two times a week is pretty good, and maybe you need some uh, outside assistance (not from other people). Maybe if sex doesn’t always go perfectly, you can laugh about it. Maybe then when it falls off-and it will fall off (the frequency of sex I mean, not something else), you still have the friendship to fall back on.

But then again, those aren’t very good wedding vows: “I promise to not do the nasty with your kinda slutty sister when you’ve been having trouble at work and we haven’t done it in three weeks. Instead, I promise to jack off. But I don’t promise not to think of your sister.”

Besides, maybe women will be cheating too because they’re sick of their man not being able to find their special happy spot. Ohh look, see how much fun stereotypes can be? There’s often some truth in them, yes, but not the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Having said that I’m not sure there’s a real formula you can plug in and definitely say, “No, he/she will never cheat on me.” You just have to try your best to communicate and be the best of friends even if you aren’t always the best of lovers, or even if the lover-ing you do isn’t always accompanied by rose petals falling from the sky. My buddy Myrtlebeachbumsaid it very well, probably better than I could ever say it. I think she’s right. And if she’s not, well, you’ll like her words of wisdom a lot more than Dr. Phil’s. I promise.

Disclaimer: The above may not apply to couples where one person is gay, or where they haven’t had sex in eight years rather than eight weeks, and so on and so forth. Some things can’t be fixed. I don’t think cheating is always a dealbreaker, either. A lot depends on if the Good Ship Marriage can be righted after that.



Filed under General Crap

2 responses to “All men cheat. Except the ones that don’t.

  1. AGreenEyeDevil

    I think a key to happiness and stability, married or not married, is having a brutally honest dialogue with yourself as to what’s really important from a self-centric point of view. If a person can’t be honest “internally” how in the world can they ever expect to have a solid foundation for building other relationships??

  2. I’m steadfastly with you on this one….humans are humans and neither men nor women will ever be able to say they will never ever ever find another person attractive or even fantasize about someone other than their partner.

    I think so many marriages fail b/c people have an unrealistic idea of what marriage is (I’ve heard so many times that acquaintances are looking for “the perfect man”…newsflash, there is no perfect man, only the perfect man for you!).

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