The U.S. men pleasantly surprised me at last night’s gymnastics team final. They could have had a silver, but after some wince-worthy moments on pommel horse, that had slipped away and the bronze was in danger of doing so as well. Then, up stepped Alexander Artemev, the second alternate put on the team and a whiz at pommel horse who also had some terrible moments at Trials (hence his alternate status).
But his teammate Raj Bhavsar, the first alternate placed on the team, never doubted him:
“He tends to be better when he swings big, so that’s all I told him,” said Bhavsar. “Ever since joining us in Beijing, he’d pretty much boned every pommel horse set he’d raised his hand for.”
Is this is a misquote? I don’t know what else it could have been. Does “boned” mean something else in gymnastics? Did Bhavsar really just say, to be even cruder about it, that Artemev fucked the pommel horse? What is he trying to imply?
Well, however you say it, he did do well, and I was quite happy for him and the entire boneriffic team. I wanted silver, but after Kevin Tan basically got castrated by the pommel horse (almost everytime I watch that event, I sense imminent danger to male reproductive organs), that was pretty much out of the question. Raj was also kind of meh, but Artemev ended the team’s run on a good note, and they got a bronze. Also give credit to Houston native and University of Oklahoma alum Jonathan Horton, among others, who nailed all five of his routines and may have a shot at an all-around medal (though again, China is heavily favored to get the gold in that as well).
Tonight: the ladies go up and go for the gold. While China would have had to set themselves on fire to not get the gold in men’s, the women’s competition should be much closer. It will probably come down to U.S. and China. And I’ll probably be holding my breath for most of it, because I’m a nerd like that. Hopefully, tonight’s competition will not be sponsored by Cialis, and afterwards, we won’t hear a teammate praising Shawn Johnson for “boinking the beam as always.” Eww.