Breaking Blues Fake News PersonFew sports have developed such a close relationship as that between NASCAR and its sponsors. A look at some important moments in their history:
-The Chick-fil-A Chevy finishes dead last in the points race. Experts say this most likely occurred because the Atlanta-based chicken franchise refused to let the car race on Sunday.
-NASCAR is forced to deal with multiple lawsuits after the Levitra Ford wins a race at Daytona. Per his contract, the car’s driver is forced to have sex with someone in Victory Lane. As his wife is out of town, the driver chooses the lowest-ranking member of his crew, who is surprisingly willing.
-FedEx workers are unable to drop off Denny Hamlin’s FedEx car at his home without a signature. After three failed delivery attempts, Hamlin is forced to go by the FedEx office and pick it up in person.
-Carl Edwards is dropped by Claritin after he violates the terms of his contract when he’s seized with an uncontrollable sneezing attack as he stands atop his car, ready to perform his traditional celebratory backflip. Edwards is informed of the decision after emerging from his three-day coma.
-Enraged with the poor performance of the tires, Tony Stewart borrows a shotgun from a fan and shoots the Goodyear blimp out of the sky. He continues his rampage by hitting the bullseye on the Target car.
-NASCAR seeks to appeal to a new audience by allowing Tampax to sponsor a car. But things go terribly wrong after an eight-car wreck pins the Tampax driver deep inside the car. Rescue workers go to the bloody wreck scene and are forced to use the Jaws of Life to extract him. “He just wouldn’t come out,” an EMT said later.
-The racing organization allows Barack Obama to sponsor an entire racecar, drawing criticism from some. But in a stunning upset, the Barack Obama Vote for Change Toyota is passed on the final turn by the National Right to Life Committee’s Grotesque Aborted Fetus Ford.