Cover Stories

I have another satire piece brewing in my head, but instead I decided to try something semi-new, at least for me. Why don’t we look at some recent magazine covers, that are either hot or cold off the presses? I am, after all, a magazine whore.

First off, the mag cover that makes me smile just by looking at it:

Ahh, Tina Fey. Love. David Letterman. Love. Chris Rock. Like well enough. So yes, I will be picking up this magazine this weekend. And hey, it’s a magazine I can buy while shopping with my dad (we’re supposed to hang out this weekend). I don’t always like Rolling Stone, especially when they insist on making all the ladies naked and/or putting old man bands on the cover. But oh yes, I will love this. About like I loved the Colbert/Stewart cover from a year or two ago.

Careful, ladies! This next one is for naughty girls only!

It’s Katie Hudson, starring in a female-centric remake of Braveheart! This time, though, it’s a romantic comedy (for the record, my brother loved Braveheart and was always effin watchin’ it, so that, combined with Mel Gibson being in it, makes me not-so-enamored of it today).

How long do guys think sex should last? Here’s a tip, ladies. If his answer is a) as long as it takes for me to get off, then run. If it’s b) as long as it takes for both of us to have our happy moment, then ding ding ding! We have a winner!

Also, I have it on good authority the scent that seduces any man (even those fruity ones!) is bacon. You heard it hear first.

OK, going off-topic, MSNBC just showed Bristol Palin and for some reason I wanted to cry. That poor girl. And the Republicans are trying to seat her area-Sarah Palin’s, I mean-with mostly women? Lord. This is fuckin’ sick. Hillary, tear into her. Hard. Tear her a new one. This woman is yes, the first Republican female on the ticket, but she was chosen for all the wrong reasons, mostly because McCain was upset because he couldn’t have the pro-choice Jewish guy and wanted to “shake things up.” At least as far as I gather.

I love Rachel Maddow, by the way. About as much as I can love a lesbian without actually being a lesbian. Same with Tegan and Sara. I like to imagine her freaking out Pat Buchanan in commercial breaks by talking about dildos. Although he might like that, eww.

I don’t think I can watch the Palin speech. She offends my vaginal sensibilities. Yes, that’s right. My lady flower can sense bullshit, and picking her is it. They may have picked a lady, but every Republican that’s been interviewed tonight needs to stop being proud of it. Don’t act like either the party or the lady is pro-woman, because neither is true.

Sorry guys. I mean to talk about another cover or two and get away from politics, but I failed, so I best shut ‘er down for now. Feel free to share any thoughts on magazines, politics or bacon.

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Filed under Lady Mags, Media Whore

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