Office Relationship Nothing Like ‘The Office’

This will never happen.

This will never happen.

OLATHE, KAN. — The dynamic between two young, attractive employees of Ellis Ad Agency is nothing like that of Jim and Pam on the NBC television show “The Office,” disappointed co-workers said Wednesday.

“When Kim (Trent) first arrived here a year ago, I had high hopes for her and Sam (Young),” said Deanna Hartman, 42. “But so far, nothing. I don’t get what’s stopping them. Neither of them are married. They’re both, to my knowledge, heterosexual individuals. It makes no sense for them not to be together.”

Kevin Wall, 37, said the office watched carefully for any signs of a budding romance, or perhaps just long-simmering unrequited affection that can never be fully realized because of obstacles beyond each party’s control.

“I mean, Sam kept going over to Kim’s desk, and she kept giving him pens,” Wall said. “I thought for sure he was just looking for an excuse to go over there. But I asked him about it, and he said, ‘Oh yeah. She keeps stealing my pens without asking. And I have to go claim them by force. I think she’s kind of a kleptomaniac.'”

“It was all I could do not to say, ‘Well, I’m sure she could be cured by the power of your love,'” Wall continued glumly.

Human relations coordinator Felicia Moss said office romances are generally prohibited.

“But those two clearly have chemistry, even if they refuse to see it,” Moss said. “I might make an exception for them. It’s nice to see two people young and in love. Full of hope.” Moss paused to glance at her wedding ring, then hastily excused herself.

Although the 26-year-old Trent is rumored to have a live-in boyfriend, and Young, 28, allegedly is too emotionally retarded to ever be in a serious long-term relationship, the staff of the ad agency continues to hold out hope.

Office boss Carl Drennen, 50, who, unlike Michael Scott, is actually quite competent, said he doesn’t mind the speculation surrounding the young non-lovers.

“Anything that doesn’t let people realize I’m banging my secretary is fine by me,” Drennen said. He paused, then added, “Uh, can I make that off the record?”

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2 Comments

Filed under Fake News

2 responses to “Office Relationship Nothing Like ‘The Office’

  1. Another one I read, showed to Lindsy, and it earned his stamp of approval. You’re awesome! Come back to Texas soon, we have a guest room waiting for you…

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