Michael Phelps Gets Rosetta-Stoned; Sun Still Scheduled to Rise

SI.com

SI.com

Sorry I’ve been away for a good week. The storm passed, everyone was fine, I took my meds and calmed down.

Speaking of meds, there’s been much supposed outrage over Michael Phelps and the pic that showed him with a bong. And he felt compelled to issue an apology about how he’s a role model and screwed up and OMG the universe must now explode because WTF is wrong with America? How could Barack Obama let this happen?

Well, for starters, it’s wrong to rigidly and without exception require people in the spotlight to be “role models.” Look, I know it happens sometimes, but I doubt too many kids will start smoking pot because Phelps did-they’ll do it because their friends are. Or because they’re bored. Or for rebellion. Or really, who knows? But Michael Phelps is not to blame for all the people who ever smoked pot.

Now, it may not have been the smartest move, as that could result in a positive drug test. If he was training, which I don’t believe he was at the time of the picture. Frankly, I consider the DUI from a few years back far more dangerous than this, although yes, both are illegal. He’s still just 23 years old, and has basically breathed chlorine for the last few years to get those 8 golds. Let him unwind. Although now I suppose he’ll never do that again. No, he should clearly not have any fun in public, because someone will take a picture of it. Now, if this proves to be part of an out-of-control party lifestyle that he can’t reign in, then we may have a problem. But he is not quite in Amy Winehouse territory yet.

I don’t smoke pot. Have no desire to do so, because I’m…. hyperanxious and paranoid as is, among other things, and convinced that if I so much as go 3 miles over the speed limit, the entire police force will blaze down the highway to arrest me and throw me in jail forever. But anyway. Other people do, and the world continues to spin on its axis even though yes, some get arrested, which is a risk they take knowingly.

It may have been a poor choice considering that (what if someone called the cops to be the guy who busted Phelps?) and his public image, but for crying out loud, he did not fail America or the children of America or Jesus or Oprah. He’s still one of the greatest Olympians of this or any other era. People need to get off their um, high horse and save the outrage for something real. Like when Shawn Johnson is caught jaywalking. Or if Michael Phelps wears high-waisted jeans and smokes pot.

And also, speaking of the title: I find those Rosetta Stone commercials more offensive than weed. Maybe that’s just me.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Michael Phelps Gets Rosetta-Stoned; Sun Still Scheduled to Rise

  1. I hate those commercials too, but that was a great play on words!

  2. AGreenEyeDevil

    I’m certainly no fan of drug use, however I’m more offended by the way Phelps youth was hijacked for the almighty pursuit of Olympic fame.

    I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like to be 23 years old with resources, influence, and name recognition and have ZERO FREAKIN EXPERIENCE in making ANY independent life decisions. Yes, he’s a great athlete…but at what cost??

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