Three Injured When Woman’s Biological Clock Explodes

by lalaland13/Chief Ladyparts Correspondent

Three people were injured Thursday when a woman’s rapidly ticking biological clock exploded after years of the woman being forced to field questions from co-workers, friends and family about why she had yet failed to reproduce.

Annie Morris, 36, was taken to a local hospital, as were two of the co-workers who had been grilling her about her choices in life. Morris works as an associate at Butler and Butterworth Law Firm.

Office manager Scott Travers said he was in his own office when he heard a loud booming noise. He headed to Morris’ office to investigate, and found Morris and two others unconscious and bleeding, and heard what sounded like a crying infant.

“But there was no baby around,” he said. “It was weird. I even saw what I could have sworn were pacifiers lying next to Annie.”

Morris’ sister, 34-year-old mother of two Dana Cunningham, said her older sister had been feeling intense pressure to conceive since her mid-20s.

“She had to work so hard to get to where she is,” Cunningham said. “And others around her kept having babies, and she probably just couldn’t stand the constant scrutiny.”

“Really, maybe it’s for the best,” Cunningham said. “If she can’t handle that, how can she ever handle the pressures of motherhood?”

Teresa Huggins, an ob-gyn at Columbia University Medical Center in New York, said this may give credence to the the theory that a woman’s reproductive system is a “ticking time bomb” just waiting to go off.

“Fertility is harder to sustain as you get older,” Huggins said., “By the time you’re 35, you might just be better off adopting rather than having a severely handicapped kid who was born without elbows because you selfishly waited too long to have babies.”

She theorized that the never-married Morris “had a system that was angry with her for not giving it a sperm and egg to make into a baby. So it turned on her, rather violently.”

Morris is expected to recover fully from her injuries, although she’ll be so ridiculously behind on her work by the time she gets back to the office, it might be best for her to just quit and look into having babies with that cute male nurse who seems to have a gene for very nice cheekbones.


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