Petroleum Jelly Tuesday

I was going to go to bed, but then I got a nosebleed. So instead I have stuffed petroleum jelly up my nose and am hanging out here a little longer, where I can be in an upright position. Otherwise I lay down and nearly choke to death.

I know it sounds bad, but truthfully, I just am a whiny person. I’ve dealt with this to some degree all my life. It gets a bit better when I stay on my allergy meds consistently, and when the various pollens and mold don’t meet up at the Blooming Justice League headquarters and decide to torment me all at once. It got worse when I moved to my current location two years ago. When I first moved here, I had vertigo sometimes. Still do occasionally, but not nearly as often.

I have used nasal rinses, which are weird but oddly satisfying when you’re done. I’ve done the saline sprays. Petroleum jelly moistens the passages. Humidifiers are nice, but my cat loves to try and knock them over. She only succeeds some of the time, but that’s a bit too often. And don’t try to barricade the humidifier or something. It just pisses her off and makes her even more determined to destroy you. Also, a few times I woke up with a humidifier and felt like I was in a sauna or something from all the uh, humidity.

So I do what I can. Maybe I blow my nose too often or attack it too often with a Kleenex. Which, according to something I read once, makes you more likely to have an aneurysm. Fabulous. But no, sometimes I can go days. Often I go days, but then it flares up and all at once I’m a disgusting bloody person who can barely leave the bathroom at work without shoving tissue up a nostril. And that is decidedly not professional.

Supposedly I inherited this from my grandfather, because he gets them too, as does my mom, although to a slightly lesser degree. Maybe I have weak nasal vessels. To go with my weak teeth, disturbed and muddled brain, and toes that are spaced too far apart. Thanks, family.

Not that I really want to, but I can never ingest illegal substances through my nostrils. Oh god, can you imagine the massacre? I already feel like Amy Winehouse, stumbling around with vertigo and a tissued nose, muttering about Blake Incarcerated.

Anyone else have any odd or unusual or just plain annoying medical ailments to share while I consider getting into a horizontal position?



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5 responses to “Petroleum Jelly Tuesday

  1. Hm. I’ve never had nose bleeds that were not related to putting too many drugs up my nose.

    And I don’t have any weird medical ailments. I do have a thyroid problem that makes me very, very sleepy most of the day. It was a relief to finally have it diagnosed, because before that, my mom would call me lazy all the time and I even got dumped for sleeping too much. I got to say, “SEE? Something REALLY was wrong!” Kind of like an “I told ya so!”

    Other than that, I am fairly lucky.

    And I hope your nose stops bleeding soon. That does not sound fun.

  2. AGreenEyeDevil

    Oh Lala, that sounds quite unpleasant. My only malady is a recurring headache that feels as those someone is driving an ice pick/screwdriver into the right side of my face just below the eye orbit. I’ve never actually had an ice pick driven into my face, but I’m convinced if I closed my eyes I wouldn’t know the difference during one of these hellish headaches! Is it sinus or a migrain?? It remains unknown given the many things that trigger said hell – cold, stress, dust, and humidity. I’m just screwed.

    Good luck, I hope you find an agreeable environment.

  3. cate3710

    I also suffer from nosebleeds. It happened a lot more when I was younger, but they still pop up on occasion, especially when I’ve been blowing my nose a lot. I think a doctor told me that I have especially thin skin along a vein in my nose or something like that, so every once in a while, it’s just boom! Random nosebleed! Used to freak my teachers out to no end, and it is one of the main reasons why I carry a handkerchief with me wherever I go.

  4. I’m the same way with nosebleeds….I do the nasal washes (gross, but satisfying, as you say), carry a handkerchief, and if I get one before bed….slather some petroleum jelly on a bit of a cotton swab and stuff it up my nose and pinch the bridge for a few minutes…usually works.

  5. bebehblog

    In case you were still on the fence about some day having children, let me warn you pregnancy gives you nosebleeds. I have never had one in my entire life (even during my childhood nose-picking days) but I’ve had two this week!

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