PRYOR, LA. – All 320 members of the Pryor High Class of 2009 had their diplomas revoked Friday after their choice of class song was revealed: “Photograph,” by the Canadian band Nickelback.
The song was halfway through the second chorus when the football field’s speakers were abruptly shut off.
“What is this crap?” asked principal Vic Dell as he strode back to the podium. “I mean seriously?”
Sophia Knowles, an honors graduate and debate team star, stood up.
“This is a beautiful and meaningful song, and it was democratically voted upon, and you’re infringing upon our constitutional rights,” Knowles informed the principal.
Dell waved her off: High school students don’t have any rights, and it sure as hell isn’t a democracy…. Oh, stop crying, homecoming queens. You’re not popular, just easy.”
Knowles tried to say something, but Dell cut her off.
“I mean, even that song they played on Seinfeld would have been better than this,” Dell said thoughtfully. “At least those lyrics weren’t entirely stupid and inane. I mean, they at least managed to refrain from mentioning things on Joey’s head.”
After huddling with members of the school board, Dell demanded an immediate re-vote. Students wrote their vote on copies of the graduation program, and the math department teachers then added them up.
“Who the hell is Lady Gogo?” the principal asked angrily after being informed of the result. He then announced that all the students would be ordered to go to summer school, in hopes they would be able to vote on a song that was at least somewhat related to graduation and didn’t totally shame the entire state of Louisiana anymore than necessary.