California Budget Woes Impact Lakers Victory Parade Plans

AP photo

AP photo

The Los Angeles Lakers are the 2009 NBA Champions. But California is in the midst of a severe budget crisis, and Los Angeles has more worthy causes to give money to than a victory parade for millionaires. Below, some ways to have a party without breaking the budget:

– Two words: Green screen.

– Call Nike and see if they can provide some puppets.

– Use Phil Jackson’s Zen methods to visualize a victory parade and achieve inner peace. Ohhhm.

– Rename it the Marriage is Between a Man and a Woman/Lakers Victory Parade and watch as the donations from Utah pour in.

– Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger needs to really figure out his priorities. Which is more important: a Lakers parade or the state’s community college system? After all, Kobe Bryant didn’t obtain a college degree, and he seems to be doing OK.

– The Lakers can curry favor with the state by announcing jobs for 200 hard-working Californians who are willing to do things like shine the Finals trophy, wipe the sweat from the players’ brows, buy jewelry for Kobe Bryant’s wife and apologize on behalf of team members who maybe-accidentally rape someone.

– Get members of L.A.’s minor league basketball team to work the parade for free. What’s their name? The Flippers or something?

-Take one of Phil Jackson’s rings to the pawn shop. He has so many, he won’t miss it, and will also be inspired to come back next year to break Red Auerbach’s record. Hell, maybe you can even pawn two of ’em.

– No parade? If Shaq was here, there would be a parade. Kobe, does it bother you at all that there’s no parade? Do you feel like you have something to prove next year, like maybe that you don’t need Shaq, a parade or even a round cylindrical ball to win it all? Kobe? Kobe?

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