California Asks Women to Get Raped a Little Less

by lalaland13/Chief Budget Correspondent

SACRAMENTO — In response to a report that Los Angeles can no longer afford to test rape kits, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger asked women to please consider not getting raped quite as much.

“We’re in a recession, and we all have to cut back,” the governor said. “When a woman gets raped, it’s incredibly expensive for the state. Rape kits, possible prosecution, etc. We think if ladies would just wear a little more clothing and not go out after 9 p.m., we could save millions.”

Fresno resident Amanda Wilbanks was unsure if she would be able to comply with the governor’s request.

“It’s not summer without a little forced sexual activity,” she said. “I mean, if I’m at some party kinda drunk, and a guy sees me, what is he supposed to do? I’m clearly asking for it. Besides, I’m a woman, and I never know what I want anyway.”

The Golden State faces a record budget shortfall, and law enforcement agencies are among the hardest hit. San Francisco police are asking potential homicide victims to “try and avoid a lot of bleeding,” because of the exorbitant price of cleaning supplies. In Riverside, police no longer use white chalk to mark the outline of a body, opting to instead just point and say, “Somewhere over there.”

Schwarzenegger said once the budget problems are solved, women can returning to being assaulted at their normal rate.

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