by lalaland13/Medical Correspondent
DES MOINES — God apologized today for having to run down a young girl with a bus, but refused to reconsider his decision to make 8-year-old Rhonda Dill a paraplegic.
“All decisions are irrevocable and cannot be reversed,” he said, adding that if Dill’s family really wanted to, they could opt for an arbitration judge chosen by the Lord.
Dill’s family was shown a contract they signed admitting that “the Lord works in mysterious ways” and that “everything happens for a reason.” The family had protested that God violated his word as funneled through a preacher who said that if four-year-old Rhonda could survive a bout of mononucleosis, the family would have passed God’s test.
Insurance expert Pete McGee said Dill likely had a pre-existing condition not covered by Heaven.
“If she didn’t warn the Lord of her propensity to play in heavy traffic, then all coverage is null and void and He can’t help her,” McGee said. “Also, being ambulatory is a strictly optional form of existence. You don’t have to have it.”
The family’s problem became worse when Blue Cross Blue Shield of Iowa denied the family’s request for a wheelchair, saying Rhonda could crawl her way around, using just her arms to propel her body and “get some exercise.” Blue Cross also noted language in the contract with God stating that the family shall not be given “any more than they can handle.”
Just in case anyone is wondering…..no, I don’t think God is actually that arbitrary and petty. As a co-worker says, “God does not play The Sims.” That’s the point.