Notable SI Cover Jinxes

Photo credit should be obvious.

Photo credit should be obvious.

Dez Bryant and the Oklahoma State Cowboys were upset by the University of Houston last weekend, a few days after Bryant appeared on the cover of Sports Illustrated. As Cowboys fans ready their pitchforks, Breaking Blues looks at other notable cover jinxes.

— After Dallas QB Tony Romo appears on one of five regional NFL preview covers, his favorite wide receiver, Jason Witten, is dragged away by coyotes.

— Days after SI pens a 5,000-word story on the miraculous recovery of once-paralyzed Notre Dame football star Gavin Greenway , he gets hit by a comet.

— Matthew Stafford appears on the magazine’s draft preview; is promptly drafted by Lions.

— Every year, SI puts out a March Madness issue with players from all tourney teams on the cover. In 2009, several gruesome injuries followed, notably the beheading of a Stephen F. Austin State player who got in the way of a hyped-up Lumberjack mascot.

— Michael Crabtree’s astounding game-winning catch against the Longhorns is celebrated with a cover, but Crabtree’s NFL career is cut tragically short when doctors are unable to pry his head from his ass.

— Nine months after a 2006 cover appearance, Tom Brady realizes someone poked holes in all his condoms.

— Golden boy Tim Tebow trips over a fire hose and is knocked unconscious, rendering him unable to rescue a baby from a burning building. To make matters worse, as the season progresses it becomes harder and harder to snap the football when there’s a man’s butt right in front of him.

— A paper cut on receiver Chad Ochocinco’s right index finger forces doctors to amputate. The Bengals player now goes by Chad Nuevededos.

— Yankees player Alex Rodriguez is unable to sleep with any cast members of the show “Gossip Girl” the week his cover hits newsstands. Instead, he must settle for liaisons with “Rock of Love Hot Tub” girls.

— The WNBA’s Candace Parker experiences an unplanned pregnancy after appearing on the cover, which should teach girls everywhere not to play sports when they could be having babies.


Leave a comment

Filed under Fake News

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s