Senate Health Care Bill Compromises

I do not think that word means what you think it means, Joe.

The Senate voted Saturday to move forward and allow a debate on the health care bill by a 60-39 cloture vote. But several senators, ostensibly Democrats, are threatening to filibuster later. What are some more compromises that can be made?

– Give in to Democrat Blanche Lincoln of Arkansas’ demand that the new bill cover all pregnancies that arise from incest. To further placate her constituents, the bill will cover no pregnancies that result from gay sex.

– Allow Oklahoma Republican Tom Coburn, a licensed ob-gyn, to receive higher Medicaid reimbursement rates when treating whores.

-Cover 80 percent of the expensive and groundbreaking surgery that is needed to remove Connecticut Independent Joe Lieberman’s large and weaselly cranium from his ass.

-As distasteful as it may be to Majority Leader Harry Reid, Alabama Republican Jeff Sessions won’t shut up until you let him introduce that amendment that would allow doctors to give black people 5/8 the care that whites receive.

– Women shouldn’t have to pay for their rape kits as long as they were virgins prior to the assault. However, a woman’s costs for post-rape treatment will go up with every man she slept with, and she better not lie when the ER nurse gives her a list to fill out.

-Viagra and similar drugs will continue to be covered for every man ever, except for the gays, because no one wants to think about that, Adam Lambert.

– After a heated floor debate, the Senate will vote 53-46 to declare West Virginia Democrat Robert Byrd, 92, legally dead.

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