Mock Teen Sex Scenario Shows Dangers of Fornication

VERNON, TEXAS – Students in Ms. Nina Foreman’s tenth grade health class got a lesson today in the dangers of teen sex with an elaborately staged mock teen pregnancy demo held in the high school auditorium.
“The purpose of today is to open your eyes and close your legs,” Foreman explained before the scene began.
The scene opened with two members of the high school’s Purity Club laying on a bed, fully clothed and far apart from each other.
“Wow,” said “Annie,” played by junior Devin Lowe. “I cannot believe we just did that awful thing.”
“Me either,” said “Steve,” played by senior Corey Madden, who then reached into his back pocket and pulled out something.
“Is that a condom?” asked Lowe. “Because condoms are only like, 45 percent effective and make your skin turn green.”
“Oh no,” replied Madden. “It’s the vow of purity I took when I registered for kindergarten. I carried it around with me as a reminder. Oh, gadzooks! What have I done? I have sullied your purity, sweet Annie!”
The two began weeping, and the rest of the scenario showed Annie becoming pregnant and cast out of the family home by her grieving parents. A girl dressed in all black who may have been portraying a lesbian or feminist or something drugged Annie and attempted to take her to the local abortion clinic by force, but a caped Madden rescued her at the last moment. The two then went to church and got married, saving their future child from growing up to become a homosexual.
Principal Don Leland said the school normally stages a mock drunk driving accident, but decided to take a different tact this year.
“We don’t know for sure that students will have access to alcohol on prom night,” Leland said. “But we do know they’ll have access to each other’s genitals, and frankly, those are a lot more dangerous.”

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