So a few months ago, I got an e-mail offering me a one-year subscription to Cosmo for $5. At most, I buy one issue a year, laugh at how ridiculous it is, and that’s it. But then uh, my finger slipped, and I subscribed.
I’ve gotten a few issues now, and wow. Some of it’s mindless and relatively harmless fluff. A few things, though? Are either borderline harmful or just completely and utterly stupid, more so than other lady mags, which at least seem to occasionally try to NOT insult your intelligence.
Let’s take December’s issue, with the lovely and talented (and Photoshopped) Adele on the cover. I got in this mail and immediately my eyes went to “When He Shouldn’t See You Naked.” I thought the following:
— When you’re touring the Mormon temple in Salt Lake City (Pentecostal churches are totally cool with it, though).
— When you’re in the middle of a supersensitive airborne plague, and anyone who is ever naked dies a slow and painful death within minutes.
— When you’re playing Strip Twister on Opposite Day
The real answer, though, lay in an article titled “Seduction Secrets French Women Know.” I assume it means covering your naked man in a Mediterranean diet of olive oil, fish and poultry, as is the Cosmo way.
This next part isn’t really Cosmo’s fault. Well, probably not. It’s a perfume ad for Jean Paul Gaultier “Le Male.”
I think something went wrong if this is supposed to be sexy. This guy is styled and posed like the long-lost brother of Mango from Saturday Night Live more than anything else. I can’t really judge the scent either. I leaned it to sniff the perfume strip once, and this appeared out of a glittery pink mist.