Tag Archives: Conan O’Brien

So, anyone want to help me move?

This is probably pretty old news, and to be fair, the numbers could be off significantly. But it’s still depressing to have some fairly concrete evidence of all the insanity around me.

From the Washington Independent: only 47 percent of Southerners are willing to say they’re certain Obama was born in the United States.

Sigh. Well then, South. I’m not sure what to do with that. I mean, you already are acting a fool for going to town hall meetings and shouting about how America is being taken over and stay out of my healthcare Obama (just you know, don’t mess with my Medicare).

It’s absolutely insane that the birther mentality has spread to this point. Yes, you’re right. It’s a vast conspiracy. Of course it is. Obama’s parents plotted from the moment of his conception for him to be born in Kenya, and got the State of Hawaii, along with several other agencies, to go along with it.

If this birther nonsense isn’t based in some weird mix of willful ignorance and racial resentment, I don’t know what it is. If Barack Hussein Obama were (all) white (rather than biracial), would he be accused of being secretly born in Kenya? I wonder if it’s a way for some people to try and “take back” their country. If Obama isn’t really an American citizen, then he can’t really be a sign of a changing American racial makeup, can he?

I don’t know what can happen next, but I’m afraid it could be violence. I’d much rather the crazies start some theory about how Obama is injecting white senior citizens with swine flu to cut health care costs (if you are a birther and happen to stumble upon this blog, please feel free to give me credit for that one).

The whole birth certificate thing has even spread to late-night TV. Bless you Conan, but be careful, before they came after you and all those filthy drunken Irishmen. This is all the fault of immigrants, you know.


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In the Conzone

NBC photo

NBC photo

Hey Conan O’Brien.Congrats on The Tonight Show. I really want you to do well here. But a couple problems that may not be that important, but I’ve noticed them all the same:

1) Second night out, and you’re already back to making Kirstie Alley jokes. Really. We get it. She’s fat. So fat that Jamie Foxx would go into the Witness Protection Program to avoid her professed desire for a “booty call.” Aren’t there other targets, fat or otherwise, to make fun of at this point?

2) We know Manny Ramirez is on fertility drugs because he cries and accuses us of not caring about his feelings. This one isn’t as bad, because you haven’t done it a million times.

I almost feel petty mentioning it because there are some great bits the first two nights: You shopping on Rodeo Road to the strains of “Pretty Woman” is pretty great. As was last night’s cold open of you running from NYC to the West Coast.

But you’re better than repeated fat jokes about Kirstie Alley, for chrissakes. The comedy world is dominated by males, who I’m guessing write most of these jokes. So at the risk of sounding like an emotional chick, stop being lazy.

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I believe this episode of Project Runway requires a Viagra ad.

I have some fake news in my brain, but then I saw a Viagra commercial an instead must ask: Why the frack are these commercials on everything I watch? Conan O’Brien, The Daily Show, just about everything except reruns of Golden Girls, and even then I just might not be paying attention.

I don’t get it and I am sick of it. Why can’t some of these damn drug companies go bankrupt? The ED ads are the worst, but there are ads for everything and honestly, I like my meds, but I prefer to find out about them on my own or from my doctor.

I think they should start tailoring them to the programming. For instance, if Cialis wants to run ads during the 700 Club, the ads should say, “And on the seventh day, God said, ‘Man must bone his woman. Viva Viagra!’

In short, I want everyone associated with those ads who possesses a penis to never be able to get an erection again. Or failing that, I wish to become a lesbian.

I need to go to bed now. With any luck, I’ll have a nice dream about Tina Fey, who did the best parody ever in a spot for Conan O’Brien’s show: “If your Conan lasts more than three hours, call a doctor.” Maybe she can turn me over to the other side. I should be so lucky.


Filed under General Crap, Media Whore